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Author Topic: Anti-feminist Jokes  (Read 75202 times)
Captain Courageous
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« on: December 30, 2009, 05:03:03 PM »

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be open when she brings it to you.

Q: How many men does it take to fix a woman's watch?
A: Why does she need a watch? There's a clock on the oven!

http://objectifygirls.blogspot.com/2009/06/antifeminist-jokes.html
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Q: Why do women get married in white?
A:  So they match the appliances!
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A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
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A woman is fast approaching 40 years of age and is without a partner. This situation has her rather depressed due to her long history of failed relationships. After much debate she decides that the best thing to do is to take out a personal ad in the paper:

Wanted: A good lover to be my friend; who won't beat me and won't run out on me.

After a week or so no one has responded to the ad. She is feeling particularly depressed when the door bell rings.

She opens the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the front porch. Quite surprised at the sight she asks him what he wants.

He replies, "I'm responding to your ad for a good lover."

"How can that be? You have no arms and no legs!"

"I have no arms so I can't beat you and I have no legs so I can't run out on you!" he said.

"What about being a good lover?" she asked.

He responded, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
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One night, two Eskimos are sitting in a bar in northern Alaska, when they are accosted by a young man from the Mainland. The fellow has obviously been drinking. He slurs, "Hey, ya know, I've always admired you Eskimos. I REEAAALLLY like Eskimos. I've ALWAYS WANTED to be an Eskimo. Tell me how ta BE an Eskimo, huh?"

The Eskimos wink at each other. One tells the guy, "Okay, to become an Eskimo, there are only three things that you have to do. First, you've got to drink a whole bottle of Yukon Jack at once, then you've got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and, finally, you have to make love to an Eskimo woman."

The guy takes this in. He ticks off three fingers to himself. Then he heads over to the bar, and orders a bottle of Yukon Jack. Already drunk, he drinks the whole thing down. This has a bad effect on his balance. The fellow staggers out of the bar, muttering something like "Polar bear, Polar bear..."

Several hours pass.

Finally, the door to the bar opens, and the drunk is back. He looks a fright. His parka is ripped, one of his arms is dangling at a crazy angle, and he's got blood all over his face. He staggers over to the Eskimos, and says, "ALL right. I've got the Yukon Jack. I've got the polar bear. Now WHERE'S THIS ESKIMO BITCH I'VE GOTTA KILL?"


« Last Edit: October 21, 2011, 07:45:07 PM by Captain Courageous » Logged

gwallan
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« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2009, 08:46:05 PM »

OK, I'll bite...

From Christina Hoff Summers...

Quote
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to exclaim that the light-bulb has violated the socket, and the other to secretly wish that she was the socket.

A variant which was presented on SYG a couple of years back...

Quote
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb:
12.
One to screw it in,
one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination,
one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination,
one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like",
one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic,
one to blame men for not changing the bulb,
one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it,
one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs,
one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs,
one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians,
one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men,
one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
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In 95% of things 100% of people are alike. It's the other 5%, the bits that are different, that make us interesting. It's also the key to our existence, and future, as a species.
Captain Courageous
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« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2009, 12:28:14 PM »

From Bitch Magazine:

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: That's not funny!
 sad1

Q: Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One to screw in the light bulb, two to make a documentary about it.
 confused1

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Ten - One to change the light bulb and nine to form a support group for survivors of darkness!!
 confused4

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it's not the lightbulb that needs changing.
 la
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A woman and her husband were vacationing at a lake. The husband liked to fish, and the boat was full of his equipment, but one day while he was napping, the woman decided to go out on the boat herself. She found a nice place on the lake and began to read her book.
A warden pulled up and told her she was in a restricted zone (no fishing) and he would have to arrest her. The woman explained that she was not fishing; she was reading. The warden responded that she had all the proper equipment for fishing and he would have to take her in to the station.
"If you do, I'll charge you with sexual assault" she snapped.
Dumb-struck, the warden protested that he hadn't even touched her.
"Yes, but you have all the proper equipment," she replied.
 icon_pale

The moral of the story? Don't argue with a woman who reads; it's likely she can also think.
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No, ladies and jellybeans, the moral of the story is this: when it comes to humor feminists can't cut it. [Does anyone here doubt the validity of "misandry"?]



http://bitchmagazine.org/post/so-this-feminist-walks-into-a-bar-and-enters-a-joke-contest

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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2009, 06:02:26 PM »

Three gents were drinking apple martinis in a bar
and had gotten to the stage of arguing about details.
"I tell you it's spelled W-O-O-M," the first said loudly.
"No no, no," the second protested. "It's W-O-O-0-M.'
"You're both wrong," the third ventured.
"I say it's W-O-O-M-B."
A gynecologst passing spoke up. "You're getting close," she told them. "Actually, it's W-O-M-B."
They stared at her a moment, then stared at each other. Finally one spoke:
"Madam," he said, "it's obvious that you've never heard an elephant fart."

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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2011, 07:38:14 PM »

How do you make a radical gender feminist disappear?

Expose her to Preparation H.



How do radical gender feminists define "self-fulfilling prophecy"?

As research findings.



How do you uphold a radical gender feminist's freedom of speech?

By taking your [-brain-] out of her mouth.



http://www.mustsharejokes.com/thread/4369370/How+to+give+a+woman+her+freedom+of+speech%3F%3F
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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2011, 07:44:28 PM »

Charlie Sheen: "Can you beat my total of 72 women?"

Jon Cryer: "Sure, if you supply the whips."

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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2011, 08:03:14 PM »

Radical Gender Feminist Response:

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:  That's not funny!

Interesting this topic has come up.  I have a student who is doing
her senior thesis on Women and Comedy, and we were discussing the
other day the perception arising from the "early days" of second-wave
feminism (and persisting still) that feminists have no sense of
humor.  We talked about the expression of anger and frustration, and
the rejection of misogynist humor, that the media overgeneralized
into an assumption that feminists couldn't take a joke.  Problem is,
we were having trouble finding any resources referring to that
specific "feminists aren't funny" phenomena.  I would bet that Off
Our Backs had some type of article about humor at some point, but I
wasn't able to find a searchable archive of their work (and they
don't show up on many article indexes and databases--imagine that).
Does anyone out there know of any material that addresses the issue
of the stereotypical humorless feminist?

Becky

Rebecca Howard
Visiting Instructor/Chief Divisional Adviser, Miami University
113 Peabody Hall
Oxford, OH  45056
513-529-2233
howardra  AT  muohio.edu


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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2011, 08:22:54 PM »

What job does a radical gender feminist typically hold at the M & M factory?

Proofreader.


What's a radical gender feminist banquet?

Uh Box A Chalk-uh-lutz!
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neoteny
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« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2011, 08:34:00 PM »

Quote
[...] an assumption that feminists couldn't take a joke.  Problem is, we were having trouble finding any resources referring to that specific "feminists aren't funny" phenomena.

For one. she's moving the goalposts: "couldn't take a joke" does not equal "feminists aren't funny".

For another, she blithely talks about "an assumption". That feminists wouldn't take a joke from non-allied men is a historical fact which can be documented by reading through old Usenet posts (soc.men, soc.women, alt.feminism comes immediately to mind), the NOW bulletin board archives (which was taken down maybe a decade ago), Salon magazine archives, with special attention to readers' comments... the material is out there, but it have to be mined and processed with a researcher's attitude, ie. with true interest in learning what went down.

She doesn't sound like somebody interested; she wants to push the work onto the other side, she wants to be convinced with 'proof'. This appeal sounds like a challenge, not a call for collaboration in finding out about our common past.
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The spreading of information about the [quantum] system through the [classical] environment is ultimately responsible for the emergence of "objective reality." 

Wojciech Hubert Zurek: Decoherence, einselection, and the quantum origins of the classical
Galt
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« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2011, 09:23:39 PM »

Quote
[...] an assumption that feminists couldn't take a joke.  Problem is, we were having trouble finding any resources referring to that specific "feminists aren't funny" phenomena.

For one. she's moving the goalposts: "couldn't take a joke" does not equal "feminists aren't funny".

For another, she blithely talks about "an assumption". That feminists wouldn't take a joke from non-allied men is a historical fact which can be documented by reading through old Usenet posts (soc.men, soc.women, alt.feminism comes immediately to mind), the NOW bulletin board archives (which was taken down maybe a decade ago), Salon magazine archives, with special attention to readers' comments... the material is out there, but it have to be mined and processed with a researcher's attitude, ie. with true interest in learning what went down.

She doesn't sound like somebody interested; she wants to push the work onto the other side, she wants to be convinced with 'proof'. This appeal sounds like a challenge, not a call for collaboration in finding out about our common past.


Yup.
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Captain Courageous
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« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2011, 10:59:49 AM »

Still tryin' to find one of them there rape jokes.

You know. The kind told by rapists that sabotage contraceptive devices, as part of that thar - whatchumacallit - rape culture (as explained pseudo-sociologically by them feministas).

 roll eyes roll eyes roll eyes
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